Blue Falcon

Life

Remember in elementary (and some parts of Junior High for that matter) when someone had you pinned in a fight, that the only way out of it was too say the word "Uncle"? It meant you knew that you couldnt get out of that situation and that you wanted it to stop. Funny how things have changed since then.

My life has changed dramatically in the last couple of months. I have gained many things and I have lost many things. One of the things ive gained is the opportunity to now start my studies at post-secondary and experience this thing known as University. Now as great as that may sound, I have lost (or rather am in the process of losing) someone who was once a great friend of mine, a person whom I loved and respected quite literally through thick and thin.

Her and I went through a lot together. And im ashamed to see it start to end this way. From best I can tell, it is mostly because we are both stuburn. We both can't seem to see where each other is coming from. I look at it as a lack of effort, and unfortunately I have my head so far up my ass at the moment and am so hung up on this issue, that im probably not gonna change that view. I don't know how she see's it because, for her own reasons, she will not tell me.

This isnt the first time i've lost a friend this way, i may have lost one of the best friends I ever had a few years ago simply because of an issue of drugs. I was friends him for the better part of 15 years (at the time, that was pretty much my whole life). And just because I have my own stuck up feelings on certain issues, I couldn't see past that one problem he was getting himself involved with.

Now I dont intend to lose this friendship, but at the end of a relationship, how does one learn to forget, forgive and move on? I can't seem to forget what happend, I can't forgive how I was treated and its difficult for me to move on cause I want this fixed. Its this ridiculous perpetual circle of problems we are having. I want things to go back to the way they were. But that can never happen till I see that same commitment from that person.

And there my friends lies the stalemate. We are both waiting for one of us to call and fix things. Neither of us wants to be the pro-active, go-getter that saves the day. And thats too bad, cause she was a really good friend of mine long before this whole mess started.

We helped each other through some very tough times, what a shame we cant help each other now.

"Uncle"

This is Falcon, signing off.

posted by Blue Falcon @ 7:02 PM